Welcome to…
The Bailey Blog
My Top 10 Comic Artists and Their Best Work!
10. Mike Allred
A pretty easy choice, but I do love X-Statix!
9. Art Adams
Probably the easiest decision on this list, haha.
8. Erik Larsen
I almost chose something else… But this one is just cooler.
7. George Perez
My favorite DC art!
6. Jim Lee
Man…. I love X-Men…
5. Marc Silvestri
Again, I say, I love X-Men.
4. Jim Steranko
Trippy, dude.
3. Steve Ditko
A hard decision but an iconic cover!
2. Jack Kirby
This one was the hardest to choose by far. Kirby is consistent!
1. Todd McFarlane
Disregard that previous DC comment…. I forgot about this beauty.
My Top 5 Comic Storylines
DC? Marvel? Doesn’t matter, I’m ranking my overall top five comic storylines from the big two publishers. Now, keep in mind that I’ve only read a couple dozen full storylines, so this is by no means expansive or all-encompassing, but it’s definitely a decent starting point.
Honorable Mention: “The Coming of Galactus” by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby
You can’t have a “best-of” comic list without Lee or Kirby, so I had to list my favorite story by the duo— and it just so happens to have a new movie adaptation of it in theaters now! The stakes of any story at Marvel had never seemed higher with not only the arrival of the Silver Surfer, but the Watcher himself forewarning the Fantastic Four of, you guessed it, the coming of Galactus, a billion-year-old planet-eating space god. This is peak Lee and peak Kirby in my humble opinion, but their output was consistent, so other opinions are accepted!
5. “Kraven’s Last Hunt” by J.M. DeMatteis & Mike Zeck
By far my favorite Spider-Man story, and definitely one of the darker ones, this run chronicles the rise and fall of Kraven the Hunter in one final attempt to one-up the webslinger. What stuck with me the most about this comic was Kraven’s ending. I won’t spoil it if you haven’t read it, but it was dark, surprising, and satisfying in that bittersweet sort of way. Also featuring some great art of course and very metaphorical stuff that I probably didn’t fully grasp when I first read it, but hey, that’s art for you.
4. “Kingdom Come” by Mark Waid & Alex Ross
Possibly the only Conservative comic story I like, and for good reason. Superman is retired, Batman is in a full-body exoskeleton to keep his old body spry, and the world is infested with young superheroes that care more about the glory than the good of being a hero. Of course, Clark has to come and teach all the youngsters a lesson on the good ol’ days, but I’ll be damned if the art, aesthetics, and overall themes don’t hit me at least a little bit.
3. “All-Star Superman” by Grant Morrison & Frank Quietly
My personal favorite Superman story, and also one that harkens back to Golden and Silver Age Supes despite being published well into the twenty-first century. Not only finding and nailing a certain indescribable tone (and the same can be said about the art style), it also nails each and every single one of the iconic Superman characters; From Lois Lane, to Lex Luthor, to Bizarro (who has one of the funniest lines in all of comics about Bizarro Batman being shot down by his parents), everyone should give this comic a try, at the very least.
2. “Marvels” by Kirt Busiek & Alex Ross
Seeing the world from that of an onlooker can be an interesting point-of-view, but when that world is chock-full of superheroes, it only makes sense a story like this would be told at some point in one of the main comic universes. From the point of view of a photographer at the Daily Bugle who may or may not know Peter Parker’s secret identity, look on from a street’s view as the Fantasticar flies overhead, Spider-Man swings past, Mutants are hated by the general public, or Tony Stark gives a patronizing remark on television. It’s all just so… Interesting. And empathetic. It’s hard to describe. But read it anyway.
1. “Born Again” by Frank Miller & David Mazzucchelli
This run is the absolute epitome of “an iconic run of a character.” So much so that it was teased in a movie, adapted into a season of television, and then a different television series was named after it. So yeah, I can confirm it’s all warranted as the best Daredevil storyline. Also, yes, I admit this is a very dark story with dark themes and plot points, and yes, 18-year-old me reading it probably thought that was very cool and edgy, but now? It’s all just realistic. Drug addiction, greedy billionaires, insane patriotic killers, and the human condition to want to fight through it all even if all signs point to losing everything, it’s all just too real. Every page hits like a ton of bricks, and each line spoken by Wilson Fisk makes your blood boil. It’s relatable in an elevated sort of way, but that is what Frank Miller is great at, in my opinion. This isn’t necessarily a “must-read,” but it is if you’re a Daredevil fan in any sense at all.
Well, there we have it. My top five (for now) comic storylines. You may be wondering why there’s a complete lack of X-Men (my favorite team/comic), and the reason for that is simply because… I only recently got into X-Men. To be specific, I really got into X-Men with the release of “X-Men ‘97” in 2024, which is my favorite piece of X-media at this point, but that can of course, change. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my opinions, and don’t forget to buy tons and tons of comics from gooddealcomics.com! Or not, I’m not your mother.
The Baileys: 2024 (Better Late Than Never)
Hundreds of Beavers
Best Comedy
Most Original Concept
Most Stylistic Direction
Gladiator II
Best Fight Coreogaphy
Most Handsome Dudes
A Different Man
Best Makeup
Megalopolis
What
Madame Web
Morb. (Worst Film.)
Saturday Night
Best Ensemble Cast
Perfect Days
Best International Film
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga
Best Supporting Actor - Chris Hemsworth
Best Action
Best Car Chase(s)
Biggest Adrenaline Rush
Nosferatu
Best Horror Film
Best Vampire Movie Ever Made, Literally
Smile 2
Scariest Movie!
We Live In Time
Best Romance
Best Couple
MADE ME CRY THE MOST!
The Wild Robot
Best Animated Movie
Queer
Best Actor - Daniel Craig
Best Original Score
Best Needledrop - “Come As You Are”
Wicked
Best Musical
Best Set Design
Transformers One
Best Voice Performance - Bryan Tyree Henry
Best Transformers Movie by a Damn Country Mile
Anora
Best Actress - Mikey Madison
Challengers
Best Original Screenplay
Best Original Film
Best Love Triangle
Dune: Part Two
Best Picture
BIGGEST CINEMATIC ACHIEVEMENT - Adapted the Unadaptable!
Best Director
Best Supporting Actress - Rebecca Ferguson
Best VFX
Best Costuming
Best Cinematography
Best Sequel
Bailey’s Top 10 Comic Book Covers (In No Particular Order)
Need I explain more? Let’s just get into it.
(Also there won’t be any long-winded explanations. Just annoying quips.)
10.
This being the only DC cover on this list is a crime, I know, but at least I called it out.
9.
Kind of a downer, no?
8.
Hey! I saw that in a movie!
7.
It’s not easy bein’… Silhouetted by a green background.
6.
Spidey has never been sexier.
5.
Fighting fascism is ALWAYS in style.
4.
Hey! I saw that in a movie! Again!
3.
Sam Raimi, my beloved…
2.
Can you tell I’m a McFarlane fan yet?
1.
Yes, I know this is cheating, but I really don’t care.
“Other”-Ness in Cinema Represented by Fictional Groups - Part III: Everything Else I Could Possibly Think of (in the span of like five minutes)
Alright, we’ve covered android/robot things, comic book characters, now how about some fantasy via the Lord of the Rings franchise? Well, too bad. After watching not only each of the three films, but also their extended editions, I’ve concluded that while they do have some content / metaphors for how different races (i.e. Dwarves, Elves) are treated very differently in and around Middle Earth, it isn’t nearly as core to the story as pretty much everything else I’ve covered so far.
Quite literally the only picture I could find on the Elf / Dwarf race rivalry. That’s how little it’s touched upon in the films. In the books I would assume it’s more of a plot point, but I haven’t even finished Fellowship of the Ring yet!
However, there is a more recent example I want to touch on. It’s part of an extremely successful franchise (both financially and critically), almost entirely CGI, distributed by 20th Century Studios, and is a sci-fi film in the far future. That’s right, it’s Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. Oh, I’m sorry, did you think I was going to discuss Avatar: The Way of Water? Think again!
THIS movie? WRONG.
While that would be a good choice, and possibly even a better and far easier topic to discuss; this, with the Apes franchise, I feel is a bit more nuanced and not as, well, beaten to death, because practically everyone on Earth and Pandora knows what the messaging behind Avatar is. The Avatar films literally have a themed section at Walt Disney World’s Animal Kingdom, so if you still aren’t getting it, you must be blind, dyslexic, deaf, media illiterate, or all of the above. (However, I will admit the area at Walt Disney World is really, really cool.)
Disney’s strategy to put their new Apes-themed Land right next to the US Tank Museum is bold, and maybe even a little on the nose, but the ticket pre-sales sure aren’t monkeying around. (This bit is just a joke. Let’s get back to the topic now that we’ve all had a giggle.)
Planet of the Apes is not a new franchise. Let’s get that out of the way first. It started as a cool sci-fi film in the 60s with a twist-ending that left you begging for more, only for “more” to be a handful of sequels that are quite shallow in comparison to the original. Then, of course, there was a Tim Burton version with Mark Wahlberg. I think we know enough about it just from that one sentence to conclude that it, uh, didn’t pan out the way Mr. Burton envisioned, I’m sure.
If we keep getting Ape films at this rate we’re going to get one with this title.
Then comes the trilogy that I and many Internet-Ape-Nerds have come to affectionately call the Caesar Trilogy. It deals with the direct rise of the planet of the apes (badum-tss) and how Caesar had a direct role in the dawn of a new age for not only apes, but also humans, and the Earth as a whole. Apes are seen not only as lesser than human, but as lesser than lesser than. As the trilogy progresses, the tables turn, and humanity is on the other side. It’s quite the interesting situation.
Now, with a new trilogy dawning, I have a feeling something else may be brewing in those monkey’s heads besides “oo oo aa aa.” Perhaps a banana?
“Other”-Ness in Cinema Represented by Fictional Groups - Part II: Replicants
Well, I feel like I’ve beaten X-Men and Mutants to death and then some, so I’m going to move on to some other groups in Cinema that represent “other”-ness. One big example that I wanted to touch on isn’t exactly straightforward, and that’s Blade Runner’s Replicants. First of all, I’m not even going to touch the whole Fruedian thing, so don’t get me started on that. Rather, I’m going to tackle what they represent as far as this topic of “other”-ness concerns us.
If Rick Deckard were real, I would have a lot to say to him— but the first thing would probably be, “Yeah, I get it.”
While Mutants represent the marginalized and oppressed, due to their treatment from “everyday” people, Replicants, I feel, aren’t merely as much of a metaphor as some may believe in this context. I believe they simply represent how we perceive our own creations, and if they deserve love, attention, and respect. Most importantly, however, I believe they pose the question of, “Can/Should we create something sentient?” Well, you’d think the answer would be yes, right? We can create children, and children are living, biological beings with what many of us believe to be souls, so what’s the issue? It’s the fact that some people don’t treat their children with love, respect, or give them the attention they need. This is why, I believe, we as a species will always be burdened with the burning question of if we are truly worthy of creation; not because some God or gods may or may not have told us not to (create something like AI or beings in labs)– but rather, we know what we are truly capable of, and we don’t want to pass that potential on to our creations (or in this case, our Replicants).
Wait– did I just do some unintentional Frued-ing? Dammit… Well, I guess even a coked-out psychologist is right twice a day, or however the saying goes.
If a human fails the test, it’s a fluke of course…
Isn’t that what the humans are most afraid of in Blade Runner, anyway? The Replicants essentially become too similar to their creations, so similar that they question why they exist, and question their purpose as creations. It’s almost as if them doing the most human thing imaginable is what makes them flawed creations. In my professionally nonprofessional opinion, the only thing that truly makes them flawed in this way, is the fact that their creators aren’t perfect. It’s only because we as humans were wrong in thinking that our creations would be perfect, something not even the perfect gods we worship could accomplish when creating us could achieve. Do we really see ourselves, not simply as God, but as above God? To me, that’s the humans’ biggest mistake, and that’s the ultimate downfall of the relationship between the Replicants (man’s creation) and humanity/Tyrell (man).
I could just as easily have put the, “Moments lost in time, like tears in rain,” but I feel like this line was more applicable.
“Other”-Ness in Cinema Represented by Fictional Groups - Part I: Mutants
I’m going to be honest– I’m not the best person to write this blog. I’m a white, cisgender, heterosexual, Christian man who, for a majority of my life, believed in pretty Conservative values. Granted, I’m very Liberal now, and I sort of look at my past set of values as embarrassing, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m the most non-minority you could possibly think of as an individual; however I think my more unique perspective as someone who’s progressed past a Conservative viewpoint to a Liberal viewpoint while still keeping something akin to my original personality will give me a better insight into films that, let’s be honest, are made for broad appeal.
Wolverine’s first usage of his claws in live-action; a scene that shall live in infamy in many a nerd’s mind. However, the film’s director, Bryan Singer, was adamant in not allowing comic books on-set so as to not make the film too “silly” for modern audiences. (Which, in my honest opinion, is dumb.)
(X-Men)
So what do I mean when I say, “‘Other’-ness in cinema, represented by fictional groups?” Well, I mean groups like Mutants in the X-Men films. That will be the biggest example, probably, and the easiest to reference, as a presentation I did in school was just on this whole concept; the idea that Mutants are a marginalized and oppressed peoples due to the simple fact that (a.) they are different from what is widely considered “normal” in society and (b.) they simply exist. These ideas and concepts are touched upon in nearly every X-Men film, spanning from the original released in 2000 to the most recent blockbuster bomb in 2020, The New Mutants.
Nightcrawler, the one on the right, is asking Mystique this question. Her response? “Because we shouldn’t have to.”
(X2: X-Men United)
Hell, even before that 2000 film, there was an animated show on FoxKids, X-Men: The Animated Series, that would teach children that treating people based on their appearance, or anything for that matter, besides the content of their character was an inherently wrong thing to do. That show, now revitalized on Disney+ as X-Men ‘97 (the year the original show ended its run on television), is showing a whole new generation the dangers of what judging others based on bigotry will get us.
Pictured is the leader of a Mutant-Hate group, AKA the Friends of Humanity, as he riles up his fellow bigots at the sight of captured X-Man, Jubilee.
(X-Men: The Animated Series)
In just its fifth episode, it had a full-on Mutant genocide, where we see not only the deaths of dozens of side characters (and millions of unnamed Mutants), but also the permanent death of a main X-Man, all because of hatred and anti-Mutant sentiment growing around the world. The showrunner, Beau DeMayo, has stated on his personal Twitter feed (and elaborated on in this Deadline article) that he took inspiration from his own reactions to horrible events like 9/11 and, as he is a gay man, the Pulse Nightclub shooting, a club that he was a regular at, for how to handle the writing of reactions and aftermath of a hate-crime on the level of what was literally a Mutant genocide/massacre.
The Genosha Genocide leads to the fracturing not only of humankind and Mutantkind, but also the X-Men.
(X-Men '97)
Bailey’s Top 15 Most Anticipated Films of 2024 After All The “Big Game” Trailers
With every Super-Mega Ultimate Football game of the year, there also comes epic trailers for movies that have epic budgets. So, since the Ultimate Football Mega Bowl Deluxe Premium is almost done, and I’m too impatient to watch the rest of a sport I don’t understand, here are Bailey’s top fifteen anticipated films of the year of our Lord, 2024. (Some of these don’t have trailers, though. My condolences.)
UPDATE: The game is finished now, it just took a long time to write this. My bad, my eager readers.
Honorable Mentions:
Venom 3, dir. Kelly Marcel
Look, I’m not the biggest Venom fan, but I am the biggest Venom: Let There Be Carnage fan. I watch that at least once every couple of months. It’s one of my comfort films. It’s so unserious. So self-aware. Absolutely beautiful in every sense of the word. So the final entry in what will most likely be the goofiest film of this already goofy trilogy is certainly something I’m looking forward to.
The Iron Lung, dir. Markiplier
Markiplier is a YouTuber. Let’s not forget this. Let’s also not forget he made one of the most badass trailers of all time for this movie. ‘Nuff said.
The Fall Guy, dir. David Lietch
David Leitch has some style. Is it always good? Well, maybe not always, but it certainly is a style. He’s also a relatively silly little guy. He did one of the Deadpool movies, plus Bullet Train, and I like those, so, y’know… This’ll probably be good. Plus, Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone? Oh yeah, baby.
Civil War, dir. Alex Garland
A24’s first IMAX endeavor with the director of Ex Machina? Yeah, I think so— Just didn’t fit on the list. Sorry, A24, I still love you. <3
…drumroll, please...
15. IF, dir. John Krasinski
John Krasinski has proven himself a good director with the great A Quiet Place films, but what about a family film? Like, no, really? I love him, Ryan Reynolds, Steve Carrell and the gang, and the plot of a girl seeing everyone’s imaginary friends seems cool as hell, but this is way different in tone, style, and literally everything than what he’s done before. But. I’m intrigued.
14. Trap, dir. M. Night Shyamalan
M. Night, my man, you are a man of mystery. You make Unbreakable… Then you make The Happening. You make Split… Then you make The Last Airbender. Who are you? What do you want? Are you a man of talent, a hack, or a wolf in sheep’s clothing? Who is to say…. However, the idea of a psychological thriller set during a concert is cool as a Nintendo Entertainment System on Christmas, or something like that, I don’t know, I couldn’t think of a good comparison. My point is, if the reviews are good, then I’m seated day one.
13. Joker: Folie à Deux, dir. Todd Phillips
Joker was really an excellent movie. Well, it was when I saw it in 2019. Then I saw other films, and it doesn’t hold up quite as well, but it is still very good and the effort put into it is quite commendable. When I heard the sequel was going to be a musical, though? Oh, man. I was hyped. Not much other to say than hopefully this one is brimming with original concepts and ideas, and I have a feeling it will be.
12. Shelby Oaks, dir. Chris Stuckmann
Chris Stuckmann is a name any film buff that watches YouTube should know. He’s a movie reviewer, and just a cool dude as well. He’s made a few interesting short films that were a bit funny, but a feature-length horror film? Yeah. He’s committed to the craft, knows what it takes to create a good story, and hopefully knows how to direct. Whether or not the reviews are bad or good, I’m seeing this if I have the time, just to support the guy and judge it for myself. Let’s all get Stuckmannized.
11. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, dir. Wes Ball
So, the recent Planet of the Apes trilogy was perfect, right? Why need to continue it? Why with the guy who did the decent-at-best Maze Runner flicks? I don’t know, man, but I’ve gone this far with these characters in this universe, and the trailers have looked great thus far, so I guess I’m just hooked now. Call me an Apes Addict cause I be on that Monkey Milk.
10. Monkey Man, dir. Dev Patel
Speaking of monkeys, and not necessarily milk as much, is Dev Patel’s foray into directing. Will it be good? Who knows. Does the trailer look baller as hell? Oh yeah. Also badass. Also it very much is drenched in style. Not much else to say, folks.
9. A Quiet Place: Day One, dir. Michael Sarnoski
As previously mentioned, I’m a huge fan of the A Quiet Place films, and while my boy Johnny K. isn’t helming this one, the director of Pig is. So that right there is a huge green flag. Plus, the trailer looks thrilling, horrifying, and, well, you know— good… and stuff. It also stars some people who I like, who I can’t remember the names of at this time. A woman from Black Panther, a guy from Stranger Things… These people… Are very cool. So will I like it? Signs point to yes.
8. Megalopolis, dir. Francis Ford Coppola
Very little is known about the FFC’s newest, biggest, and boldest film yet, besides a single poster, a stacked cast, and a hellish production, but I’ll be damned if I’m not intrigued by the whole thing. Also it has a very simple premise that’s been released, involving an artist that wants to rebuild New York City as a utopia after a a disaster strikes. I’m not Francis Ford Coppola’s biggest fan, but man does he have the juice. If I’m being honest, unless this underwent some horrible studio interference, it will probably end up being amazing.
7. Mickey 17, dir. Bong Joon-ho
We have all seen Parasite. That is no debate. We all know this director can crank out a Snowpiercer or an Okja whenever he wants. So will this be good? Yeah. Like, it’s not a question at this point. With Robat-Battinbat (Robert Pattinson) hot off the heels of The Batman and it’s amazing run, he will certainly be looking to be doing something a bit more artsy-artsy (I know, I’m sorry) and this is the perfect outlet (even though the previously mentioned comic book movie was actually quite artsy). Match made in heaven? Maybe. Match made for me specifically? Mhm. Certainly.
6. Furiosa, dir. George Miller
I have to admit, I haven’t seen Mad Max: Fury Road. I know. I’m sorry to everyone in the film, television, and arts community. It’s a slap in the face, really. I’m biggest disgrace to the culture of cinema. However, I do plan on watching it. Just give me some time before this prequel comes out, because this one… It looks like it’s gonna be epic.
5. Hitman, dir. Richard Linklater
One of my favorite people in the film industry, writer and director of one of my favorite coming-of-age films (Boyhood), as well as an entire trilogy of absolutely perfect romance movies (the Before trilogy), plus a perfect-stoner-high-school-coming-of-age-mid-70s flick (Dazed and Confused) is releasing an action comedy on Netflix that got near-perfect praise at film festivals last year? I’m locked in.
4. Terrifier 3, dir. Damien Leone
The third movie in what could possibly be the goriest horror films ever put to film, directed by a guy that is obviously very talented at this point. While I do enjoy the original Terrifier, the sequel is, in my opinion, a horror epic in every sense. The fact that the third entry will be Christmas-themed instead of Halloween-oriented is also a welcome change, as holiday horror flicks are always a good time, thanks to last years disturbing Thanksgiving, which was a smash hit for director Eli Roth. Anyway, I also heard that the director turned down offers from studios with big budgets in order to keep his vision true, and more importantly, keep the series in its unrated goodness. Let’s hope Mr. Leone keeps up the great work.
3. Drive-Away Dolls, dir. Ethan Coen
I need you to watch the trailer for this and tell me it doesn't look stylish, hype, and goated with the sauce. You can’t? Yeah. That’s right. It’s bananas, quirky, goofy, silly, risky, sexy, sleek, and just about everything you can imagine that a Coen, or at least Ethan Coen film should be. The trailer just sold me. I don’t know. Yeah. I’m seeing it day one.
2. Deadpool & Wolverine, dir. Shawn Levy
Look, normally my hype level for Marvel Cinematic Universe films aren’t exactly super high, especially recently (with the exception of James Gunn’s superb Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3), but an R-rated Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman-led team-up with elements from Loki, presented to me in a year with no other MCU movies? Yeah, I think I’ll bite.
1. Dune Part Two, dir. Denis Villenueve
Adapting one of the strangest, longest, most in-depth, drug-fueled, and stright-up sandy sci-fi bestselling novels of all of humankind is probably a daunting task, but with the first film, Denis knocked it out of the park and then some. Nailing not only the tone, atmosphere, character motivations, aesthetic, directing, cinematography, vernacular and style, but also Frank Herbert’s intentions of this being a long-running saga that should have people invested for a while. Not only are we getting this film, but we are due to get Dune: Messiah at some point from Villenueve as well, and at that point he plans to hand the baton off to someone else. This could be the next Star Wars, my friends. The next Marvel Cinematic Universe. This could be the next big thing, and this is absolutely just the beginning.
Mean Girls: Multi-Multimedia Mayhem
We all know about the 2004 triumph of American feminist cinema; Mean Girls. However, I don’t think many people know how that piece of media has evolved over time. To begin with, the film is actually an adaptation of the high school self-help book, Queen Bees and Wannabes, which was aimed at, you guessed it, teenage girls. The movie, which was written by Tina Fey, was essentially a satirical look at the book while still following its core principals. It, of course, was a huge hit, and popular enough to spawn a sequel that no-one really cares about. Also, all of these examples are pretty hypermediacy-centric, meaning, they’re all pretty meta. As in, the book will use the term, “you,” and address the reader, and I seem to recall Lindsay Lohan’s character looking directly into the camera at some points during the film?! Yeah, that sense of meta-ness (hypermediacy, I mean) is prevalent throughout all the forms of this piece of media! Anyway, take a look at an image for Queen Bees and Wannabes that is so big it’s super grainy. I also can’t figure out how to edit it down. How cool! There’s more after the huge book cover, so scroll down some more, will ya?
So, after the 2004 spectacle of peak cinema, came a broadway musical adaption of the same name. Yeah, they just called it Mean Girls again. No addition of “The Musical” to the end or anything. Not many people know about this! I’ve heard it’s pretty good, actually, but seeing as how I’m here in the state of dead cornfields and not in New York, New York, I haven’t seen what I’m assuming is the best stage production since Sliced Bread: The Musical. Also, once again, Tina Fey was the main gal behind the musical. Genius or too stubborn to hand off the baton to somebody else? You decide! Anyway, here’s a montage of some decent-enough looking clips from what I’ve now decided is a halfway-middling looking musical. Take a look!
Now… What we’ve all been waiting for dreading… Not the first, not the second, but the third movie in this franchise… An adaption, not of the book, not of the original film, but of the dang stage musical, it’s… Mean Girls. That’s right. The third thing called “Mean Girls” is an an adaptation of the broadway musical, which is an adaptation of the film, which is an adaptation of a self-help book which really has nothing to do with Regina George and her misadventures as the school’s biggest, uhm, well, I like to think of myself as a feminist, so I’m going to act like I wasn’t even going to go there. School’s biggest dummy, how about that? Anyway, here’s the trailer! (Oh, and I forgot to mention, Tina Fey ONCE AGAIN wrote the dang screenplay. How much work does she need in the “rude women” genre?!)
So! You’ve learned all you’ve needed to learn about the MEAN GIRLS SAGA— But I haven’t even talked about the video games or novels! Well… Too bad. I’m sick and tired of mean girls. How about “good boys?” Just kidding, that movie sucks.
What I was mostly interested in was the book to movie to broadway musical to movie musical pipeline, otherwise known as “BTMTBMTMMP.” I know, could use for some shortening, but so could these movies, I mean jeez. Tina Fey seems to think the world revolves around rude white people that are in high school. How about kind people- of different races and cultures, perhaps? I think the new movie was better with that, but anyway, I notice I haven’t actually much talked about the behind the scenes of this stuff that much, which is weird, because I actually know quite a lot about it.
The 2024 movie musical was originally going to be released on Paramount+, and was filmed during COVID, so it doesn’t exactly look good, sound good, or have much of a feeling of scale since it was unfortunately rushed into theaters to make a quick buck. It’s a shame, too, because pretty much every other entry that I’ve mentioned here has been near universally praised by its target audience! The self-help book? Helpful! The comedy film? Funny! The musical? Music…y? However, they didn’t advertise this new film as even being a musical. Instead, they went for more of a “Hey, we’re doing it for a new generation because all of the executives at our movie studio are cool teenage girls!” route, which is, as you probably assumed, untrue. (They are all elderly men who don’t know how to connect with anything. They don’t even talk to their wives. Just kidding! They’re divorced.)
Anyway, I hope you have a great time reading this halfway-educational, mostly comedic blog post, and I mean this as much as a straight man can say it; Stay fetch!
The Baileys: 2023
My equivalent of the Oscars… but better.
Best Picture
Oppenheimer
Best Actress
Emma Stone - Poor Things
Best Actor
Paul Giamatti - The Holdovers
Best Animated Feature
Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse
Best Director
Christopher Nolan - Oppenheimer
Best Overall Screenplay
The Holdovers
Best Original Screenplay
The Holdovers
Best Supporting Actress
Da’Vine Joy Randolph - The Holdovers
Best Supporting Actor
Robert Downey Jr. - Oppenheimer
Best Horror Film
Talk To Me
Best Action Film
John Wick: Chapter 4
Best Acting Debut
Dominic Sessa - The Holdovers
Best International Film
Godzilla Minus One
Best Musical
Wonka
Best “Romance” ;)
Saltburn
Best Editing
Oppenheimer
Best Holiday Movie
The Holdovers
Best Costuming
Barbie
Best Comic Book Movie
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
Best Adapted Screenplay (Book/Comic)
Killers of the Flower Moon
SCARIEST MOVIE!
Talk To Me
Best Editing
Oppenheimer
Best Original Song
“What Was I Made For?” by Billie Eilish - Barbie
Cutest Fella
Baby Rocket - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
Best Final Line
Killers of the Flower Moon
Best Production Design
Poor Things
Best Comedy Film
Bottoms
Best Cameo
Margot Robbie - Asteroid City
Best Original Score
Daniel Pemberton - Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse
Best Cinematography
John Wick: Chapter 4
Best Stunts
Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One
MADE ME CRY THE MOST?!
Knock At The Cabin
Best Credit Scene
They Cloned Tyrone
Best Aesthetic
Poor Things
Most Delightful
Wonka
Best Makeup/Procethetics
Evil Dead Rise
Most Creative Direction
Micheal B. Jordan - Creed III
Best KILL
John Wick: Chapter 4
Most Provocative O_O
Saltburn
Best Special
The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar
Best CGI/VFX
The Creator
Biggest Scene Stealer
Iman Vellani - The Marvels
What the—?
Beau Is Afraid
WHAT THE—?!
Dicks: The Musical
Morb. (Worst film.)
Dashing Through the Snow